


Goodbye, Apathy

by Annabelle



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Free! Kink Meme, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-30
Updated: 2013-08-04
Packaged: 2017-12-21 22:20:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/905605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annabelle/pseuds/Annabelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When friendship becomes love and then bleeds into loss, pain isn't something that suddenly dissipates. Time, in fact, isn't capable of healing all wounds, and Rin didn't think he'd ever be prepared to have the bandage ripped off so suddenly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hourglass

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story that only uses canonical occurrences; it's all at the expense of this storyline. I'm writing for the prompt found at the Free! Kink Meme [here](http://iwatobiswimclub.dreamwidth.org/893.html?thread=428157#cmt428157): Childhood friends and high school sweethearts. Each others first and were inseparable until a messy, nasty break up. Haru slowly gets over it and Rin is still hurt because the break up brought all his insecurities to the surface. Haru, in a way, has always been Rin's backbone and without him, the guy is a mess. They meet again in college and Rin is fighting his feelings because it's like Haru has this power that causes his heart to still race at an abnormal rate.
> 
> Do enjoy!

“You’re so quiet, Nanase.”

Rin stood behind him on the sidewalk, hands tucked safely into the pockets of his jacket, smiling even though Haruka couldn’t see him. Beyond them, the sidewalk loped into yellow sand that eventually met the rolling, foaming sea. “What are you looking at?”

One of Haruka’s shoulders lifted into a shrug. He motioned toward the sky, where the sun was slowly sinking into the horizon.

Rin’s eyebrows furrowed.

“I’m waiting for the stars to come out,” Haruka finally said.

Rin smiled, laughing as he stepped forward to swing his arm around Haruka’s neck. “What’s the point, huh? They’re still there whether or not you’re waiting for them.”

Haruka’s gaze narrowed when he looked over at Rin. Usually, when Rin embraced him, he tried to pull away, but tonight, he stood still, eyes moving over Rin’s face.

“My grandmother told me,” Haruka began, and Rin’s smile melted away, “that there are billions of stars in a place that never stops growing.”

Rin dropped his arm, tucking his hands back into his pockets. “Oh,” he said, turning to look at the horizon. “Makes you feel kind of small, huh?”

The silence between them was soft, bleeding into the shifting colors of the sky as the sun began to disappear.

There was a twinkle, and then another, and soon the world around them was blanketed in a maze of stars. Rin had forgotten how long they’d been standing there when Haruka said, “It doesn’t make me feel small.” They looked at each other. “It makes me feel important.”

More silence, bloated and heavy between them. Haruka’s breath puffed out in small clouds of steam before dissipating into the cold air. Rin’s mouth twitched.

“Nanase,” he laughed, shoving Haruka in the shoulder. “Does anybody else know you’re such a romantic?”

Haruka groaned, turning on his heel to walk away. “I’m going home.”

Rin laughed again, running after him and flinging an arm around his shoulders when he caught up. “It’s okay,” Haruka rolled his eyes when Rin leaned in close, “I’m a bit of a romantic too.”

 

Every evening, after swim practice, Rin would walk with Haruka to wait for the stars. “It’s pretty cool,” was the excuse Rin had given him, and Haruka only scoffed and accepted the company with blatant disregard. When the weather started to warm up, sometimes they would wander down to the sandy beach and find rocks that weren’t too slippery to sit on and stare out at the dark sea. They talked mostly about silly things, childish things, but sometimes they talked about what they wanted to be in the future. Rin wanted to make it to the Olympics and get a chance to compete. Haruka said he didn’t know what he wanted to do. They were eleven years old.

 

Twelve years old, and they were in the same homeroom at school. “Haru,” Rin said one morning, placing his palms flat on Haruka’s desk.

Haruka was busy doodling on one of the pages in his notebook.

“Haru,” Rin said again, and waited until Haruka looked up at him. “My mother wants to know what you want for dinner this Friday.”

Haruka pursed his lips.

Rin waited patiently.

“I don’t care,” Haruka finally said, and went back to his doodling.

Rin thumped a fist against the desk. “Pizza it is!”

 

Rin showed up shivering and crying on his doorstep one late Saturday afternoon. “Haru-”

His voice caught in his throat around a sob. Something in Haruka’s chest tightened, so he didn’t ask questions, just reached out to grip the end of Rin’s sleeve to tug him into the house.

He made them a bowl of popcorn and still didn’t ask question as they say down together on the couch to watch a movie. Something with a lot of action because those were Rin’s favorite kind.

Rin fell asleep halfway through the movie, his cheeks still red and hot from crying. Haruka moved the bowl of popcorn to the coffee table and found a blanket to cover him with.

When Rin finally woke up, it was morning and he didn’t want to talk about it. So, Haruka went and asked his mother to make them pancakes instead.

Haruka never brought it up again.

 

Thirteen and they were both trying to look into the mirror in Haruka’s bathroom, shoving back and forth while examining their jawlines for any sign of stubble.

“Look, right here, Haru,” Rin said, pointing under his chin. “That’s definitely a beard.”

“It’s a shadow,” Haruka replied without even glancing over.

 

Rin’s house was empty. There was snow on the ground outside and they were sitting on his bed, legs crossed and knees touching.

They were fourteen and had never kissed someone before.

“Just to test it out,” Rin said, hands resting on his thighs. “So we don’t embarrass ourselves when it’s the real thing.”

Haruka nodded.

Rin stared.

When their lips touched, Rin burst out into laughter.

“I’m sorry,” Rin said, pulling away, but his cheeks were pink when he got off the bed. “Do you want anything to drink?”

Haruka shook his head and watched Rin leave the room.

 

They were fifteen and this time they were on Haruka’s bed.

“I think I like you,” Rin muttered, looking at the blanket beneath them.

Haruka was quiet for a moment, staring hard at the line of Rin’s jaw and the curl of his lashes and the sad, desperate look in his eyes.

“I like you, too,” Haruka said.

 

Sixteen, and they were used to each other’s lips. The taste of their mouths. The feeling of their bodies and the moments spent alone with soft whispers and fingers running down backs and carding through hair to tug.

Sixteen, and Rin let Haruka pull off his shirt. Tug down his pants. Slip a hand beneath the band of his boxers to wrap steady fingers around the most intimate part of him.

“You’re beautiful,” Haruka said as he worked Rin’s underwear down his hips. Said it again when two slick fingers were pressing into him, working him open for something much bigger.

“I love you,” Rin blurted when Haruka’s forehead touched his. He was full, brimming over with something that made his heart ache and his stomach twist.

Haruka’s eyes searched his, hips still as Rin’s body adjusted to the weight of him there. “I love you, too,” he said finally, and Rin felt the ache deflate into something sweeter.

 

It was Rin’s seventeenth birthday and the sky was gray and the house was supposed to be empty.

Gou burst through the bedroom door and saw a boy’s head bobbing between her brother’s thighs. She screamed, slapped a hand over her eyes and ran right into the doorjamb trying to escape.

“You’re not supposed to be here!” Rin called out as she stumbled down the hallway, his blush running all the way to the tips of his ears. Haruka was doing a horrible job at hiding his laugher.

Gou couldn’t look at Haruka in the eye ever again without gawking like a speechless guppy.

 

 

Rin was eighteen and Haruka was still seventeen and the school year was almost over. They stood in the courtyard, shoulder to shoulder beneath a towering cherry tree. Rin seemed nervous, hands tucked deep into the pocket of his trousers.

 “I’m moving to Australia,” he said softly, toeing at the ground with his shoe.

Haruka stiffened. “When?”

“After school’s done.”

“Why?”

Rin swallowed the lump in his throat. “My applications from that swimming academy came in.”

Haruka didn’t look at him when he stormed away, and Rin was too close to crying to go after him.

 

His sister tried to comfort him by bringing him a chocolate bar.

“It always helps me when I’m sad,” she whispered as she slid it onto his dresser. Rin couldn’t even be bothered to move his stare from the ceiling.

“You’ve been in bed all week,” she said, sitting carefully on the end of his mattress.

He didn’t reply.

“Do you want to talk?”

His jaw tightened. His eyes lowered to look at her. For a moment, she was hopeful.

Then, “Go away, Gou.”

She pursed her lips and stood. “It’s Kou,” she corrected gently, but Rin had rolled away from her and she could no longer see his face.

As she moved toward the door, he said, “Did you know that there are billions of stars in a place that never stops growing?”

She stopped, one hand on the doorknob, and tilted her head, but Rin was facing the wall, his back to her.

When he didn’t continue, she turned around.

He said something else, when she was closing the door, but it was so faint that she wasn’t sure she’d heard him correctly.

“He makes me feel important.”

 

Rin left him a message to meet him at their old swimming club, the night before he was due to leave for Australia.

He stood in the same spot they had always stood, those few years before, hands tucked into his pockets. The sun was sinking quickly, and soon the sky was dark. If he listened carefully, he could hear the waves rolling out of the sea.

He waited an hour, staring at the distant horizon. It felt like someone had replaced his heart with a rock, because when that one hour stretched into two and he was still standing by himself, underneath a sky full of stars, he felt nothing.

Haruka wasn’t coming.

And Rin was broken.

 

Graduation came and Haruka took his diploma with a smile.

 

Rin graduated with a brace on his leg and crutches under his armpits because he’d been running outside and stepped in a ditch that caused his knee to buckle. The fall tore his ACL straight through, and he had to get surgery.

The recovery period was nine months, and suddenly he saw his dream slipping away.

 

Six months went by and Haruka found himself enjoying his first year of college.

 

Rin still found himself hovering by the phone, listening to the dial tone coming from the receiver that he could never bring all the way to his ear. The long distance calls were too expensive, he reminded himself as he put the phone back on its hook, and tried to think of a better way to piece himself back together.


	2. Breaking Ice

“Will you stop frowning, Rin? I feel wrinkles forming just _looking_ at you.”

Rin flicked a glance over toward the passenger seat and tried not to white-knuckle the steering wheel. Outside, trees melded and blurred into globs of green as they drove past. “You didn’t _have_ to come, Gou.”

“Kou,” she said easily, pointing a finger at him like it was some sort of reprimand. Then, after no response, she dropped that hand to the radio and started fiddling with the knobs. “And I did. Have to come with you. Mom wants to make sure you move in okay.”

Rin felt that usual twinge of annoyance that seemed ever-present when he was around Gou. It probably wasn’t her fault, he knew that, because after he’d taken a nasty fall at rehab and scared everyone into thinking that he’d damaged the graft tendon in his knee, she never consciously let him do much physical activity that wasn’t pre-approved by the physical therapist, including lugging around cardboard boxes.

He winced, remembering the incessant fear and the anger he had felt as he lay useless on an examination table, watching his doctor prod at his knee like some sort of narcissistic puppet master playing with his toy. Weakness was futile, something that the mind tricked the body into believing, and Rin wasn’t weak, despite what everybody thought. He hated that his sister felt the need to play caretaker, because Rin didn’t _need_ that. He needed her to not be irritating. Which she always failed so miserably at.

When she started singing along to some sickening pop song, he didn’t put much effort into hiding his huff of annoyance.

 

_“You’ve got to stop doing this to yourself, Matsuoka,” his doctor said sternly, pulling a chair up to the examination table. His mother sat, silent, in the corner of the room, chewing her lip nervously. Gou had chosen to wait in the lobby._

_“I know what you’re probably thinking,” he continued, blatantly ignoring Rin’s glare. “You think that you can ignore the pain and ignore being uncomfortable. But, you can’t. You’re pushing yourself too hard, Matsuoka. The drive is good. The desire is good. The execution,” he bent Rin’s knee slowly and watched his face for any sign of discomfort. “The execution’s not so good.”_

_“The execution is fine,” Rin said, wincing slightly at the throb in his leg when the doctor bent it too far. “I just landed a little weird. If the facility that_ you _recommended me to wasn’t so completely inadequate-”_

_“Rin,” his mother interrupted, voice heavy and thick with sadness. “Please, just listen.”_

_There was a long stretch of silence in the room, Rin staring at the ceiling and his mother staring at him and his doctor bending and unbending his knee._

_Then, “Look, Matsuoka.” His doctor picked up a pen to scribble something down on his clipboard. “I get that you’re angry. I get that you live in the pool and have plans. I get it, believe me. But at the rate you’re going, you’re going to wear that knee of yours down, not build it up. And if that ligament tears a second time, the chances of you ever being able to swim competitively again are going to be practically nonexistent.”_

_Rin stared hard at the doctor. Felt something build up in his chest that pushed at his nerves and through his skin and made the tips of his fingers numb. He took in a breath of air as slowly as he could, through his nostrils like he’d been told to do when he was feeling that way. “Have you ever,” he said slowly through his exhale, curling his fingers around the edge of the table because he was starting to tremble a little, “had everything you’ve known, everything you’ve_ ever _loved taken away from you in one little second of your life, one little, miniscule moment, like some cruel sick_ fucking _joke.” His voice rose dangerously as he pushed himself off the table and looked into the doctor’s shocked face. Suddenly, Rin wanted to hit him so hard that his vision started to blur at the edges. “I didn’t think so,” he hissed, and slammed the door behind him when he stormed out of the room._

 

Eventually, after one very wrong turn and a lot of grumbled curses, he was able to find his dormitory. Gou was out of the car first, full of enough excitement for the both of them, and was hauling open the trunk before Rin had the keys out of the ignition. “Let’s get the light stuff first, hm? That way we don’t get tired out too quickly.”

A muscle in Rin’s cheek twitched as he slammed the door shut behind him. Gou’s smile radiated though when he reached down to pick up one of the boxes she had placed on the pavement. He didn’t smile back, because she wasn’t worried about _herself_ getting tired. She was just worried about him.

Gou closed the trunk and together they crossed the lawn toward the entrance. “College is so exciting,” Gou said with a sigh, trailing behind Rin as he made his way over to the front desk.

The woman behind the counter perked up when they came up to her and rolled her computer chair over to a filing cabinet. “The groups always come in waves. One minute I’m running around and the next there’s barely a soul in sight.”

Rin, staring at her and her bubbling happiness, peeked over his shoulder at the families that must have followed them in, all smiling and laughing and having what seemed to be a genuinely good time.

“What’s your name, honey, I need to get your folder.” She patted the cabinet. “And I’m going to have you take off that,” she paused, looked at Rin with her lips puckered slightly, “charming ballcap,” she settled with. “Your picture still needs to be taken for your ID card.”

Rin continued to stare at her, reaching up to pull his hat off his head. Gou leaned into him. “I told you that hat was disgusting.”

“Shut up,” he said, knocking her away with his shoulder. “Let’s get this over with.”

The woman pointed him to a little duct-taped mark on the ground. “Say cheese!”

 

“I hate getting my picture taken.”

“At least you have nice teeth,” Gou supplied helpfully, following him as pushed through a set of double doors to head toward the staircase. “Shiny.”

“You talk too much.” They clopped up the stairs to the third floor, where the hall was narrow and crowded with students who were busy toting their own things around. It stunk a little like sweat.

When they passed the communal bathroom, a kid stood in the doorway with a hand over his face while his parents went into each shower stall and inspected it for mold.

“I guess it was good that Mom had to work today, right?” Gou said. She rounded the corner behind Rin and followed him until he’d located the right room. The door was propped open with a tennis shoe, so he shouldered it open, waited for Gou to slip past him, and when he turned in, saw that one side of the room was already decorated.

He stared at the poorly made bed, the clothes spilling out of the laundry basket and the lopsided blinds hanging over the window, and thought that maybe ‘decorated’ was too generous a term.

Gou had slid her box onto the bed and was already heading back toward the hallway. “You stay here and start unpacking. I’ll go get the rest of-”

Rin grabbed her by the collar of her shirt to tug her backwards, and didn’t hide his smirk when she made a show of choking. “I don’t need your help. Start unpacking, and _I’ll_ go get the rest.”

She glared at him as he slipped by, picking up the box that he’d dropped on the floor and muttered, “You’re too stubborn for your own good,” before pulling it open.

“Oh, _gross_.” There was a pair of bright red boxer shorts glaring up at her, unfolded and starting to wrinkle and she wondered what she’d done to deserve such punishment. She held her breath when she picked them up, because she didn’t trust Rin, not one bit, and held them as far away as she could. Then, not quite sure where to put it, she dropped it on the mattress.

The door creaked open again. “Rin,” she admonished seriously, reaching into the cardboard box to pull out another pair of his underwear to wave at him, “if you think I’m going to touch your nasty boxers, you better believe that-” she looked up, and the words died away. “Uh.”

A boy that was very much _not_ her brother stood in the doorway holding a box of cookies and staring at her like she’d just sprouted another head. “Uhm,” he said back. “You’re-”

“Just helping my brother move in, don’t worry,” she said quickly, holding up her hands like she was trying to ward off a rabid grizzly bear, even though he was still standing in the doorway with a dumbstruck expression plastered onto his face. His very cute, very handsome, very _collegiate_ face. Her own face warmed.

He blinked at her. “I was, uh, actually going to say that,” he paused to clear his throat, and something in her stomach fluttered happily when she saw his face reddening, “that you’re, uhm, cute. I’m Seijuurou.” He grinned at her, stepping into the room and holding out the box of cookies. “Cookie?”

She flushed and tried not to seem too obvious when she glanced at the swell of muscle in his upper arm.

“Uh,” she looked down at the box of clothes on the bed and patted it awkwardly. “I should, uhm, go help my brother get the rest of his stuff,” she said, rather lamely, and pointed toward the door like it wasn’t clear on where she was headed.

“Don’t worry about it.”

Both of their heads swung to the door, where Rin stood with a sour look on his face and two bags held under his arms.

He looked at who he assumed was his roommate. “I’m Rin,” he said, and nodded toward the cookies. “Do I get one of those, too?”

 

“You must be the infamous Matsuoka, then,” Seijuurou observed once Rin had finished unloading his car. He stuck out a hand. Rin cast it a glare, dismissing him, and Seijuurou was left to retract it awkwardly. He brought that hand up to rub the back of his neck instead. “I’m your roommate. And also the captain of the swim team, I guess you should know, since you’re technically on the team. And so you don’t murder me in the middle of the night for hitting on your sister.”

Gou pressed a hand to her heart and nearly sprouted wings right there, ready to ascend into heaven from pure joy.

Seijuurou continued even though Gou had just collapsed dramatically backwards onto her brother’s bed. “I heard about that ACL trouble. You had to miss a year of school, right? And out of the pool for over a _year_ , man, I can’t even imagine. That must suck.”

Rin snorted humorlessly, grabbing up a pile of clothes and dumping them on top of his fool of a sister. “Yeah, well, _suck_ is one way to put it.”

 

Gou stood by the door, staring at him with big, sad eyes. She clutched the car keys and looked like she was about to cry and Rin was about as helpful as a bag of rocks when emotions were involved.

“If you cry, I will seriously punch you in the boob,” he said, but didn’t object when she sniffled noisily and lunged forward to fling her arms around his neck. “I’m serious,” he muttered, resting a hand gently on the crown of her head.

“I won’t,” she muttered back into his shirt. “I’m just going to miss you.”

“Wish I could say the same.”

She pulled back to hit him hard in the arm and gave a watery laugh. “Mom told me to tell you that you aren’t allowed to skip your morning classes. And don’t skip your meals either. And please shower regularly.”

Rin rolled his eyes up to the ceiling.

She grabbed his sleeve and waited until his eyes lowered before she asked, “Okay?”

He looked back at her, something heavy and sad settling in his chest. “Yeah,” he said softly, and pretended that she didn’t look surprised when he reached out to draw her into another hug. “Try not to get into too much trouble. Because even though I’m not home, I’ll know. I have connections.”

“I could say the same for you,” she said, stepping away. He watched as she opened the door, hand tight around the doorknob when she looked back at him. “Love you.”

His mouth twitched into an almost-smile, which Gou took as a win.

“You too,” he replied, and let the door shut quietly behind her.

There was a pulse of heavy silence. “That was beautiful.”

Rin shot a glare over his shoulder at Seijuuoru, who stood clutching his box of cookies to his chest. “I’m not giving you her number.”

 

He decided to skip out on the ‘new student and freshmen activities’ that his welcoming package informed him were apparently happening on the other side of campus, and set out to find the cafeteria instead.

His roommate’s surprisingly extensive knowledge about him had thrown him a little. It was true that, yes, he’d missed a year of school. The surgery had been taxing, and the resulting long hours of physical therapy hadn’t left much room for anything else, especially college. But, that was his business. Not anybody else’s.

Rin didn’t like to settle, not when he knew there were better things out there. But, when his mother sat him down at the kitchen table and laid out a couple of college brochures, he knew that was what he ultimately had to do.

_“They’re all interested,” she said, placing each brochure neatly in front of him. “They know you’re working hard, and they’re all highly praised for their athletic programs.”_

_He looked at her, one hand resting on the tabletop and the other clenched tightly in his lap. Her eyes were sad, her mouth frowning softly at him. He tried to remember the last time he’d seen her smile._

_He sat forward, lips pursed as he glanced over the brochures. “They’re all in Japan,” he said, and when he looked back up, his mother’s chin was quivering. “Mom?”_

_She grabbed for his hand, holding on fiercely as she blinked away the welling in her eyes. “I miss him,” she whispered, and the words cut through Rin like the blunt blade of a knife. “I don’t want to be so far away from him anymore.”_

_The front door opened and closed. “Where is everyone?” Gou called out, and Rin’s mother withdrew her hand to wipe quickly at her eyes._

_“In here!” she called back, and Rin pushed back his chair to stand._

_“Okay,” he said, gathering up the brochures._

_His mother looked at him, eyes widening in surprise._

_“Okay,” he whispered again, and grabbed her hand to squeeze._

“You look lost.”

Rin blinked, looking around quickly before he realized that he had no idea where he was. “Uh.” Next to him, a guy stood with a small smile on his face. Rin’s eyebrows creased into a frown. “I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”

The guy’s smile didn’t waver. “Anywhere in particular you’re heading?”

Rin wasn’t in much of a mood for conversation, and this guy looked like the type of person that liked _talking_. “You can just point me to the cafeteria.”

“Oh,” he pointed over his shoulder with a thumb. “I’m heading there right now. I can show you, if you want.”

“Something tells me I don’t have much of a choice,” Rin mumbled, shoving his hands into his pockets.

“Hm?”

“Nothing.”

“Okay,” he glanced at Rin with another grin. “I’m Makoto, by the way. And this is pure curiosity, but are you a new student?”

Rin eyed him wearily. “Yeah.”

Makoto nodded. “I could tell. Everybody knows where the food is, so that either meant you were a new student, or a freshman. And your hostility’s a little intense for a freshman, so.” He shrugged, like it was the easiest determination ever.

Rin snorted. “You’re quite the detective.”

“I’m studying criminal justice. I can only hope so.” He motioned for Rin to follow him up a pathway toward a building that was mostly tall glass windows. He could see a halo of yellow sun cresting just over the lip of the roof. “Are you from around here? If you don’t mind me asking, I mean, because a lot of the students are. From around here. Tuition’s cheaper, I guess.”

“I used to live around here,” Rin said, dismissively. Makoto held the door open for him and Rin started for the food line.

“My roommate lives around here.” Makoto seemed persistent in sticking with him and Rin tried not to roll his eyes. “I’m from a little farther south. Didn’t really think I’d end up here but the swim coach was really interested so-”

Rin turned and Makoto almost walked right into him. “You’re on the swim team?”

Makoto smiled again, picking up two trays and handing one to Rin. “Yeah, we’re a favorite to go to the finals this year, so it’s supposed to be a big season.”

“Wow.” Rin turned back around and started picking out his lunch, even though something bitter started to claw its way into the back of his throat.

Suddenly, his appetite was gone.

“Yeah,” Makoto examined an apple before placing is carefully next to his sandwich. Then, like he just realized something, “Oh!”

Rin glanced at him, sliding his tray in front of the cash register. “What?”

“I don’t think I ever got your name!”

He stepped away from the counter so there was room for Makoto’s tray to slide in. “Matsuoka Rin,” he said, and turned on his heel to make an escape toward the tables. It took a moment, but soon enough he heard Makoto hurrying after him.

“ _You’re_ Matsuoka?” Makoto said once he’d caught up. His smile had finally disappeared and was replaced by a look of astonishment. “Our coach’s been harping about you for weeks! He’s been going on and on about some kid that just got in from Australia with a nasty leg injury, but who had a front crawl like nobody’s ever _seen_. And not to mention that you’ve been out of the water for over a-”

“For over a year, I know,” Rin snapped, halting in the middle of the cafeteria. “I know. But I’m working on it. I’ll be in the water before the end of the season. You can count on it.”

Makoto blinked, a little surprised by his sudden intensity. “Of course,” he said with a nod. Rin inhaled slowly through his nostrils while Makoto looked around the room. “Let’s grab a table. I’m sure you’ve got some questions about the way the team works. And after I’ll give you an unofficial tour of the campus. You know, tell you the things that they don’t on the official tours.”

Rin, jaw clenched, reluctantly followed Makoto to an empty table and willed his anger to melt away.

 

Makoto’s tour, which was surprisingly not annoying, concluded at the university’s library. The bricks were white and the windows weren’t cloudy with dirt, and Makoto was talking about how the stairs were unoriginal to the building and had been imported from a factory or something, but Rin had given up listening a while ago.

“So,” he interrupted, just as Makoto started talking about the architecture of the building. He didn’t seem to be particularly upset that his lecture had been cut off. “Why are you showing me the library, exactly?”

Makoto shrugged. “No particular reason. You’ll be here a lot. Members of the team are required to log a specific amount of studying hours between practices and meets. I’ll show you where the wifi signal is the strongest.”

He was led up a staircase once they got past a disinterested security guard and was surprised to see a generous amount of people milling about.

“Classes haven’t even started yet,” Rin muttered, but Makoto hadn’t heard him because he stopped to help a girl who was straining to reach a book on the top shelf. He rocked back onto his heels as Makoto chatted with her, and looked around for something to do.

There was a balcony that overlooked the first floor, so Rin wandered over and rested his forearms against the railing. From above, the shelves looked like some sort of great maze, lined up meticulously in accidental patterns, and Rin wondered, a little bit indignantly, just how many hours of studying time he was expected to log.

He considered formulating a scheme to get himself out of at least _half_ of those hours, decided against it, and tilted his head toward the staircase to wonder if maybe they were imported too.  And then, he saw someone familiar.

Rin’s face paled, all the blood drained out and ended up somewhere else because the only thing he could hear was the rush of blood roaring its way back up to his temples. His eyesight blurred at the edges. His fingers tightened, pressing white around the railing and everything around him slowed.

His face was lowered, eyes skimming over the page in a book that Rin couldn’t see the title of. Rin couldn’t see anything. Just him. Walking slowly right at him and Rin’s lungs felt like they were collapsing because he could not breathe.

“Oh, look,” Makoto had somehow appeared at his side, hands balled up on his hips and that incessant smile spreading across his face. “That’s my roommate of two years, Nanase Haruka. He spends a lot of time in here.” Makoto didn’t seem to notice that Rin was slowly going into cardiac arrest when he called out, “Hey, Haru-chan!”

Haruka stopped once he was in front of them, not even bothering to lift his head up. “Don’t call me Haru-chan,” he said in greeting, placing a finger on the paragraph he was in the middle of.

Then, when he finally _did_ lift his head up, he looked at Makoto first before his eyes slid over.

Rin stared at him, at the way his eyes widened and his mouth parted slowly. He wondered if Haruka was having trouble breathing, too.

“Rin?”

It was soft, the way he said his name, like it was something delicate and foreign, something he hadn’t said in a long time, and Rin felt something pressing hard at his ribcage. Something heavy and pounding and he still couldn’t breathe because Haruka was staring at him. Haruka was _staring_ at him with wide eyes that wouldn’t look away. And Rin desperately needed him to look away because all of his blood had found its way back to his face and he was turning red, he knew it, because he still wasn’t breathing and Haruka, _Haruka_ , was standing there right in front of him.

Makoto was glancing back and forth between the two of them, hopelessly confused. “You two know each other?”

Haruka blinked, finger still poised on his book and eyes still staring right at Rin. “Something like that.”

That pressing feeling finally broke through the surface, air flooded into his lungs and something rabid and angry made Rin draw his arm back, made him curl his fingers into a tight, trembling fist.

When Rin punched him in the face, he was certain that Haruka hadn’t even flinched.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I spent more time worrying if this chapter was good enough to follow the first part than I spent actually writing the chapter. So! On that note, I hope you enjoyed! Until next swim time! ♥


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